Development
Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Emotional Journey
Before we delve into the topic of children’s emotions and tantrums, we want to acknowledge a few important points:
- Every child is unique, and every family situation is different.
- As parents and caregivers, you know your child best.
- The information provided here is meant to support, not replace, your parental instincts and decisions.
- We encourage you to adapt these ideas to fit your family’s needs and values.
An Important Insight:
Many parents may not realise that mental activities—thinking, problem-solving, and creative tasks—can tire children out more than physical activities. In fact, 20 minutes of focused mental effort can be more exhausting for a child than a 20-minute run. This is because a child’s brain is constantly developing, and cognitive tasks require significant energy.
In the following sections, we’ll explore some general principles about children’s emotional development and offer some strategies for supporting your child through emotional challenges. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate emotions or prevent tantrums entirely, but to help our children develop healthy emotional awareness and coping skills.
Multi-Step Requests and Emotional Responses:
It’s important to recognise that what may seem like a simple request to a parent can actually involve multiple cognitive steps for a child. For example, asking a child to “get ready for bed” involves remembering and sequencing several tasks (put away toys, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, put on pyjamas, etc.). This type of request requires much more mental energy than a simple physical activity like going for a walk.
Because of this cognitive demand, multi-step requests may sometimes trigger emotional or behavioural outbursts. The child isn’t necessarily being defiant; rather, they may be feeling overwhelmed by the mental effort required to process and execute the request. In contrast, a simple physical activity like going for a walk primarily uses gross motor skills and requires less cognitive processing.
Understanding this can help us better interpret and respond to our children’s behaviours, especially when they seem overtired or overwhelmed after what we might perceive as “just playing” or “not doing much.” It’s important to balance cognitive challenges with appropriate rest and physical activity throughout a child’s day, and to be mindful of how we phrase our requests and expectations.
Strategies for Supporting Your Child:
If you notice that your child is repeatedly struggling with what seems like a simple request, it may be time to reassess the cognitive load we’re placing on them. Here’s a strategy that can make a significant difference:
Use Visual Cue Cards: Create a visual system that breaks down multi-step processes into clear, individual tasks. For example, for “getting ready for bed,” you might have separate cards or pictures for:
- Put away toys
- Go to the bathroom
- Brush teeth
- Put on pyjamas
- Choose a bedtime story
By displaying these visual cues, you’re reducing the mental energy required for your child to remember and sequence the steps. This can be especially helpful for children who are visual learners or those who find verbal instructions overwhelming.
The “Aha!” Moment:
Implementing a strategy like this might lead to an “Aha!” moment. You may suddenly understand why your child was having meltdowns over what seemed like routine, easy tasks. What appeared simple to us as adults was actually a complex, energy-demanding process for your child’s developing brain.
Remember, using tools like visual cues doesn’t mean your child isn’t capable. Rather, it’s a way of supporting their developing executive function skills and reducing unnecessary stress. Over time, as these routines become more ingrained and your child’s cognitive abilities develop, they may need these supports less.
By recognising the cognitive demands we place on our children and finding ways to support them, we can help reduce emotional overwhelm and create smoother, more positive interactions in our daily routines.
Conclusion:
Understanding the cognitive demands placed on our children can transform how we interpret and respond to their behaviours. By recognising that mental tasks can be as exhausting for children as physical exertion, we can adjust our expectations and provide more effective support.
Key takeaways:
- Mental activities can be more tiring for children than physical ones.
- Multi-step requests may overwhelm a child’s cognitive abilities.
- What seems simple to adults may be complex and energy-demanding for children.
- Visual cues and breaking down tasks can significantly reduce cognitive load.
Remember, every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. The goal is not to eliminate all challenges—after all, overcoming obstacles is how children learn and grow. Instead, our aim is to provide appropriate support that allows children to develop emotional regulation skills at their own pace.
By being mindful of the cognitive demands we place on our children and implementing supportive strategies like visual cue cards, we can create a more harmonious home environment. This approach not only reduces stress and potential meltdowns but also fosters your child’s growing independence and self-regulation skills.
Parenting is a journey of continuous learning and adaptation. As you try these approaches, pay attention to what works best for your child and family. Trust your instincts, celebrate small victories, and don’t hesitate to seek additional support when needed.
Together, we can help our children navigate their emotional world with confidence and resilience.
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